Pink amigurumi bear

Pink amigurumi bear, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

It's not my intention to turn my blog into a crafts corner - just wanted to post a picture of my latest amigurumi project.

Today I had the day off, a perk since I worked longer hours for the first 4 months of the school year. I slept a little later than first planned, but I guess I needed the rest. After writing our Christmas cards we went out and shopped for a few bits and pieces. I bought some yarn and immediately started this little bear pictured above.

Tomorrow there's only three work days left until I have a couple of weeks off. Am really looking forward to going home to my parents, seeing my dear friends and hanging out with my sweet sister again. Time can fly now - I don't mind!

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. Have to go and have my asthma checked out. I still cough lots, but hope I won't need more medicine. There is definitely such a thing as too many pills. I'm already on all sorts of stuff for my general health and then adding asthma inhalors, pills and cough medicine -eugh. Need to get well now!

Amigurumi teddybear

Amigurumi teddybear, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

I finished my amigurumi teddybear today. Decided he needed a little scarf for the colder times we're heading towards. He's very much a little homemade teddy with tiny imperfections here and there, but I think that adds to his charm. I'm pretty proud of him being my first "big" amigurumi project anyway.

Amigurumi bunny

Amigurumi bunny, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

I'm really getting into amigurumi. I've been making lots of little creatures over the last couple of days and it's really relaxing and fun. Takes my mind off so many other things that I tend to worry about.
Tonight I watched tutorials on youtube and started crocheting a tiny bear. I'll continue working on it tomorrow and post a picture. So far I'm still the most happy with this little bunny I made. Even if I'm still not 100% in on the different stitches and how to follow a pattern exactly, I'm beginning to see the light I think. And hey, anything that takes my mind off my number one worry in life - which isn't getting any easier as yet another year seems to have raced by with no luck on that front - is a very, very welcome hobby in my book. Wouldn't you say?

When you're at home sick...

Four first attempts at amigurumi, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

... you've got way too much time to crochet and take pictures of stuff you've done. I'm not getting much better at crocheting, but I'm really trying to learn. And I find it to be very relaxing and fun (when it doesn't tangle up and make me want to scream out loud) so I hope that in time I'll get better at it.

Just dawned on me that I'm going home for Christmas in 9 or 10 days. Can't wait!

Bye bye Mr. Miyagi-pie

Miyagi wants a kiss, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

Aw, my favourite fish, Miyagi, went belly-up today. He was such a cute fish (yes, fish can be cute) and when you're absolutely crazy about animals, but can't have any with fur because your boyfriend is allergic, a big, pretty Oranda can become quite a joy in your life. But he'd been unwell for a while, so I guess it was best for him to not feel bad anymore. Still very sad though :(

Bye, bye Mr. Miyagi-pie - you'll be missed.

All Hallows' Eve

Forget trick or treating, forget costumes, no parties or scary movies. Remember the people you love, but lost. My sweet, funny, little grandmother passed away on February 6th 2009. She is greatly missed and forever remembered.

...

I feel like a 'shroom

Mushrooms, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

... stuck in the middle, peeking out towards the sunlight.

What a dramatic intro. But I guess it reflects my week spot on. It's been a rough week, but luckily that must mean that next week can only get better. Right? This is an attempt at a more positive outlook and I think it's a darn fine attempt to be honest. The way things are going these days it would be far easier to moan and whine, but I am truly trying to be positive. No sh*t.

Something has dawned on me. I've been very closed about my feelings regarding an issue that affects me greatly; infertility. There are so many women, who go day after day building up resentment towards other women, who obtain what an infertile woman wants the most: a healthy pregnancy. This is true. Resentment is very easily the quickest solution to hurt feelings. But there's another solution: disregard. I wouldn't characterize myself as a cold or careless person, but I would say that in some areas I've become prone to disregard people. It's perfectly simple really - no one cares to have their imperfections rubbed in their faces. If you're overweight you don't want to be treated any differently than others. Same goes for race, sexual orientation and so forth. You know what? Infertile people do not appreciate being treated as such. So pity is the worst way to meet someone who's struggling with infertility. Don't pity me - talk to me. It's as simple as that.

Savner

Aulin and Basse in Pålsjö Skog, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

:(

Four years and still going strong...

Aulin and me, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

Today is a special day for Johan and me. It's exactly four years ago today that we met for the first time. It was a nervous, insecure and exciting day when we first met at Helsingør train station on October 21st 2005 around noon. We'd been planning our weekend together for a long time, but I don't think we'd ever dared to hope for what it turned into. Four years later we're still going strong, living together and making plans for our future. I'm not a religious person, but if I were I'd thank my Heavens for Johan. I love him more than words can say.

Much love forever.

Sunday blues

A lonely tree, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

Today was my last day off. It's amazing how quickly a week passes by. I've enjoyed having the time off to just unwind, but it's a little nerving to feel how I automatically tense up as the day progresses. Oh well, nothing to do but face the week, I guess.

We went out to visit my in-laws today. It was a nice and relaxing visit, which ended with us going for a long walk in Råådalen. Basse needed a good long walk. He's sleeping on the sofa now, so I think we succeeded in getting him tired.

Now it's time for America's Next Top Model on TV3. Enjoy your sunday!

Gimme the stick!

Gimme the stick!, originally uploaded by DitteBB.

Today we went out to Bruce's Skog with Basse to let him run free in the dog enclosure. I'm not keen on letting him run around without a leash, but by taking him to places like Bruce's Skog, we can just close a huge gate behind us and let him run along without worrying about him running away or getting in a fight with other dogs. I, as always, brought my camera along and snapped a few pics of the little one enjoying himself with no leash to hold him back. His expression in this photo is as priceless as the moments we get to share with him.

100th post!

I laughed so hard my stomach hurt when I saw this picture. Just wanted to share with you guys.

Inspired by a blog I follow, PCOS SOS. I decided to do this little questionnaire. Pass it along if you feel like it. I consider it passed along by posting it on my blog. Wonder if that's cheating? Oh well, please forgive me.

Rules

1. You Can Only Use One Word!

2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers

3. Alert them that you have given them this award!

4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? Here

2. Your hair? Brown

3. Your mother? Wonderful

4. Your father? Kind

5. Your favorite food? Italian

6. Your dream last night? Positive

7. Your favorite drink? Pepsi

8. Your dream/goal? Family

9. What room are you in? Sittingroom

10. Your hobby? Crafts

11. Your fear? Sickness

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home

13. Where were you last night? Helsingborg

14. Something that you aren’t? Alone

15. Muffins? Blueberry

16. Wish list item? Laptop

17. Where did you grow up? Lystrup

18. Last thing you did? Scratch

19. What are you wearing? Clothes

20. Your TV? On

21. Your pets? Fish

22. Friends? Forever

23. Your life? Rollercoaster

24. Your mood? Positive

25. Missing someone? Family

26. Vehicle? Ford

27. Something you’re not wearing? Socks

28. Your favorite store? -s!?

29. Your favorite color? Pink

30. When was the last time you laughed? Now

31. Last time you cried? Earlier

32. Your best friend? Johan

33. One place that I go to over and over? Helsingør

34. One person who emails me regularly? Father

35. Favorite place to eat? Several

If I were to give a blog award, Marianne would get my vote. She writes interesting posts and she's fantastic at updating. I wish I could learn from her.

Today I post my 100th post. Not many considering I've had the blog for years. Guess I should better myself. But would I truly be me if I bettered myself? (Yes, I am trying to squirm out of a deal).

Autumn came around...

I realise it's been ages since my last blog. I guess you could say I'm feeling rather uninspired these days. Everything seems to be drumming by in it's own monotone rythm and there isn't really much to tell. We just got back from a weekend at my parents' house. We were attending my cousin's 30th birthday party on Saturday. It was a huge party with live music, good food, free alcohol (which meant a few obligatory drunken fools) and just generally a good time. It was nice to see everybody again.

I'm having a rough time these days. It might be getting rather trivial listening to my moaning and whining, but in all fairness this is my blog and if I want to complain, I'll do it. Even though I should be grateful for all I have, there are things that bug me. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but basically I'm just fed up and we've been contemplating some life changing decisions.

The bright spot in my life is that autumn is here. I love the colours, the general good feeling I get when the temperature goes down, the darker nights and mornings. Johan and I met in October 2005 and every time October comes around the butterflies start fluttering in my stomach. October, autumn and love. *sigh*

I could probably go on and on about lots of things, but to be honest I'd rather end on a high note. No need to spoil the mood.

Much love.

Story of my life part II ...

Rethink the decision maybe?

Lamaze class for women who don't like surprises:

"In a moment these three midgets will crawl into each of you. That will give you an impression of what it's like to let a tiny human pass through your vagina".

FAIL

I'm sitting here all alone, tears streaming down my face. No, I'm not sad. I'm scanning through http://failblog.org/ and laughing so hard I think my stomach might burst. I've chosen a few random FAIL pictures to post, simply because I've nothing interesting to say and I'm doing my best to try and keep the blog going. Enjoy!

I'll have to do my best to keep Johan out of there when he needs his next haircut!

I can actually well imagine him having said that!

High five!

Aw, bless her...

I'll pass. Wonder how many cookies they sold?

If you're into tattoos, you might enjoy this site aswell: http://ugliesttattoos.com/ It's amazing what some people end up going home with. And pretty amazing how much fun another person's misfortune can be. One of my absolute favourites has got to be...

The Dick-Butt tattoo. Ah go on now, you know you want one!

Laters!

Hello there

Ain't that the truth?

*Ahem*...

That's when you know ...

When you have time to sit on the sofa and read a book, relax and enjoy getting lost in someone else's words - that's when you know you have summer holidays.

When your bed is covered with packed suitcases and you spent big parts of your day trying to remember what it is you've forgotten to pack - that's when you know you'll be seeing your family very soon.

When you get a call from your doctor saying that all tests were fine and you can start taking your medication right away- that's when you rush home from grocery shopping to pop the first pill.

When you're able to act your age even when your patience is tested - that's when you know that you have come so much further in your life than others.

When you're fed up and just want to get away from your job, the people who get on your nerves or who disappoint you the most - that's when you know it's about time to pack those suitcases and get in the car and drive. You might come back with a new perspective or a lesson well learnt. Either way you'll get some time off and possibly some peace of mind.

See you on the next Eldorado.

*Hanging in there*

Just one more day to go, just one more day to go, just one more day to go.

I've waited for many calls in my life, but I've never been as impatient waiting for a call as I was for the one that finally came yesterday. The gyno finally had some results for me. The results weren't good as such, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm getting the help I need because they were as bad as they are. I'm thankful that I'll get help in stead of having to wait and manage on my own, but I'm still gutted. Life feels very unfair, but I guess if I wait it out I'll make it like the larva:

Story of my life...

Today I feel melancholic. In 6 days it'll be my last day with my 3rd grade - the first class I ever taught since I graduated college. I'm extremely proud of them and what they have achieved over the last 2 years. They'll do well from now on, I'm sure of that.

Yesterday I went to their summerparty and three of the girls had made me gifts. I was so moved by the fact that they spent their entire afternoon making me the three items pictured above. Generally I was very moved by the reaction of both parents and kids during the entire night. I guess I knew that the parents were fairly content with my teaching and what I've accomplished, but I'd no idea that they were genuinely sad that I'm not continuing with the class. In a way it makes me feel good to know that they have been that positive about me teaching the kids, but it also makes me feel so sad that I decided to switch the class to a new 1st grade. In a way I feel like I'm letting them down by not continuing. But I have to let go and keep telling myself that I did what I could for them and now someone else needs to step up and do their best for them.

Don't get your tubes in a twist

You're wondering: "When did this turn into 'Ditte's amateur anatomy class'?" I apologise, but a lot of my time is spent wondering and thinking about these things. Today I had to visit the gynocologist for an examination of my fallopian tubes to determine if there were any clogs preventing eggs from getting through. I'll admit it isn't an examination I'd like to have done again. But I'm glad I did it, because the result was positive and there were no clogs or anything twisted about my tubes. Apart from my PCOS my 'Baby Make Mini Oven' is in top function. So all in all it's good.

By the end of the month I'll get the results of the rest of my bloodtests. One of the tests is to determine my hormone levels and depending on the outfall of that particular test, I'll know if I can expect help with my hormones or not. Fingers crossed that I can, because not only will the medicine help my insulin levels, it'll also boost my weightloss and the whole project will hopefully be off to a much better start. Only time will tell - until then I can be thrilled that I have non-twisted tubes. Yay me.

What a birthday!

Another birthday, another week, another blog. On May 28th it was my birthday and I had a lovely day with Johan. We went out for dinner at Jensens Bøfhus in Malmö. It was great food. Johan bought me Grey's Anatomy season 4, a cute '50s style apron, a lamp which is shaped like a mushroom, a back massager and a pillow shaped like a cupcake. My sister and Aled sent me three tops from my favourite shop, New Look. P bought me cute earrings. It was a really great day.

On the 30th my parents and Basse arrived. They bought me two charms for my Pandora bracelet and gave me money, which I decided to spend on a Nintendo Wii.

I invited my in-laws for lunch on the 31st, so we were seven people who ate and spent the afternoon together. My mother- and father-in-law bought me a new pink Samsung camera. It's gorgeous, I'll tell ya! They also bought me two more glasses for my Kosta Boda Mine collection. My brother-in-law also bought me two Mine glasses, so my collection is quite big now.

I'm still overwhelmed by all the fantastic things people bought me. I hope I'll live up to deserving it all.

I decided to go all out and spend money on EA Active (personal trainer) for my Wii. I work out every day, somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes. I've discovered muscles I didn't know I had! Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I almost couldn't walk up and down the stairs on the ferry and at work. I was so sore. Nevermind cycling up the big hill in Helsingør in the morning to go to work. Oh dear... But the pain at least reminds me that I'm truly putting in an effort. According to our scales I've lost one kilo in the last week, so it must be working. Of course it's combined with a low carb - no sugar diet, but still I'm impressed. One kilo down, fourteen to go!

Diagnosis Known

I'm torn between worry and relief. Mostly I'm relieved though. I've had a feeling for a while that I might have PCOS ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pcos ) and today it was confirmed. I have PCOS and will need help to get pregnant. But before I'll get the help I need to lose weight. To lose weight - I'll need help. "I think you should consider a gastric by-pass. You're a perfect candidate", the gynocologist said. But I'm not up for that - am too scared and I really, truly believe that with the right drive I can do this myself. I lost 10 kilos before christmas, but gained a lot again (typical, right?) and the first goal the gyno made was 15 kilos. I can lose that without a gastric by-pass, right? After the 15 kilo weightloss I'll begin hormonal treatment and they'll probably put me on Metformin ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metformin ). Metformin also helps the weightloss, so I'm optimistic that I can do this without surgery. The Metformin also stimulates the eggs and I'll hopefully start ovulating and thereby become pregnant. Whatever happened to dinner and dancing, eh? I'm relieved that I now have a reason why I'm having such a hard time losing weight. I'm active, I eat healthy and I shouldn't have a belly like Santa. But I do and now I know why. Definitely a huge relief - even if the weight thing worries me at the same time. I can do this! 15 kilos to go ... gooooo me!

All I want ...

...is one of these. I'm pretty sure they are a little bit of heaven and I must own one. Please? I swear I'll be nice for the rest of the year. And maybe also a little bit of next year. Maybe. Possibly. Not. But I do want my own moomin snowglobe. Can I have it? Yes? 

Sometimes the good guys finish..?

This is my goldfish. His name is Miyagi and as you can see, he's a handsome lil' fella. I guess you can discuss how much personality a goldfish has, but Miyagi is a rockstar. I don't think anyone can resist his chubby baby cheeks. 

On another note, I'm off to Århus this weekend. We're attending my granny's urne burial. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest. It's only been three weeks on Friday since she passed away. I'm very emotional, anxious and generally worried about my mum. I guess it'll be better in time, but at the moment it feels really hard being so far away from home. It would all be a hell of a lot easier if I could just drive over and be with them when I feel like it. But I guess this is just what growing up is all about... standing on your own two feet. These days I just don't want to. Nothing seems to be working for me, all I do well is fail. No weightloss, no motivation, no baby, no point. I guess the good guys really do finish last. 

I don't want to grow up

Some days it's better than others, but often I feel like I'd prefer if I didn't have to grow up and  if I never had to be faced with sadness. Because it's just so damn hard to snap out of it again. It jumps on you when you least expect it. Whether it's during the day while you're busy with other things or it's when you're at home in the evening, sadness will creep up on you and make you feel like your heart might explode. 

Boom.

And the winner is...

The one about being a terrible blogger...

These cupcakes are a bribe. That's right, I'm going to try to bribe you. Maybe if I distract you with cupcakes, you'll forgive me for not writing for like a hundred years. Maybe you'll also forgive me for starting a series of blogs - and then not making it past the first part. Cupcakes don't do it for you? Then how about...

... a puppy! Who would not be distracted by a tiny, ickle pup looking at you with love in it's eyes? I bet you've totally forgotten about what I've done by now... You can only think of the cute little puppy. Puppies aren't your thing? Well, how about...



... doing like this little hedgehog? I'd betcha he isn't thinking about my little faux pas in the world of blogging. 

I'll better myself or die trying.