Put me out of my misery....

• Current mood: emo
• Current feeling: self pity
• Number of fits of hysteria: lots .... emo-style

Put me out of my misery... Just do it now. On January 1st J and me stopped eating things with sugar and fat. A very positive decision, which of course is the best one we've made in ages. But I'm just going to mention the connection between women who feel sorry for themselves and chocolate. I know some find it a total exaggeration, but personally I can seriously save a day with one single M&M. Seriously. I am not kidding you. So deciding not to eat those things has been like taking antidepressants away from myself and no, I'm not trying to belittle or make fun of people who need antidepressants, but those who know me also know my relationship to chocolate. I had an easier time quitting smoking than this. I am a chocoholic and it's not even funny. I've been doing so well with it, but today I just hit rock bottom. So I ate Maltesers and even though I was sure I'd feel extremely guilty about it, I actually don't. If I hadn't had some chocolate, I would have lost my friggin mind. And in all fairness, I have gone almost a month without - and no I have not even cheated once. Pretty cool, huh? But yeah, I decided that it was okay today even if it was against the rules. I'll be back on my exercise bike tomorrow. Besides what's the point in trying to make life easier and lighter if you get sad and semi-depressed? You might as well let yourself have that one day a month where you can have something yummy.

On a happier note my book finally arrived! I started reading it the very same day it arrived and I'm really enjoying it. It's very different from the film, or I should probably say the film is very different from the book, but it's still an awesome read. I'd definitely recommend it to those who feel like reading something that touches you in oh so many ways.

I was reading the paper on my way to work this morning. The tragic death of Heath Ledger was brought up in a blog and it got me thinking. I whine a lot, but I have nothing troubling me like he must have had. When I first heard that he had taken his own life at the young age of 28 I was shocked, but at the same time there's this little annoyance at the pit of my stomach. Not because I'd in any way undermine his troubles and worries, but because he leaves someone behind who didn't deserve to lose her daddy at the age of 2. If misery comes in such scales that you'd leave your little girl behind and not fight your demons, I'm grateful for my insignificant, minuscule miseries.